


Look at me

by YaoiMommaForevah4U2



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Confession, Hurt, Longing, Love, Other, Pain, Yearning, self doubt, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9153340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaoiMommaForevah4U2/pseuds/YaoiMommaForevah4U2
Summary: If only I was like...





	

**Author's Note:**

> From me to you
> 
> For you to us
> 
> For all that's ever felt this way about anyone at all....real, imagined, implied. 
> 
> Flesh n blood or ink, paint n pen
> 
> For you, you know who you are
> 
> You know who you ARE

I look you and you're so perfect. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect body.

I look at you and you're so perfect. Perfect words, perfect reactions, perfect charisma.

Everyone wants you. Everyone is drawn to you. All over the world, an international fan club. And where do I fit in this?

I don't. I really don't. With my shyness, with my awkward nonexistent social skills, with my quirky troublesome personality.

I don't fit. And I want to. So badly. It hurts me in my soul place. That place between my heart and my gut that burns with every unrealized dream, every impossible desire. 

I wish I was like all those people that are written about, with their mad sports skills or musicality, their genius IQ or their incredible artistry. 

Then I could show you. I could capture your attention. 

The way my long elegant fingers set a volleyball

The length of my body slicing through the water as graceful as a Selkie

Gliding over the ice, my body in motion, beautiful, balanced poetry

My voice lifting up, passionate and reaching, a mesmerising siren song

My synapses jumping to find the most successful way to your heart and happiness

My soul expressing my joy in who you are in big bold splashes on canvas

But that will never be me. I am not that person, those people. 

My body is sluggish with too much muscle, my shoulders too broad, too much weight dragging me down to be graceful or elegant. 

My hands are ordinary, short fingered and thick palmed, not adequate to grasp a volleyball. 

My coordination and ridiculously thin ankles mean I'll never skate anywhere but in my dreams.

My voice, low and raspy, will never be mistaken for that of an angel. I would not insult your ears so harshly.

My scattered thought pattern can only conjure the most simple, addled ideas, so child like in their adoration. 

Masterpieces of crayon and pencil stick figures so inadequate they'd never even make it to the refrigerator door.

Who am I to love you? Who am I to want you? What right do I have to seek you out?

But I can't stop. It's like breathing, it's like eating, it's like living.

I....can't.....stop.....

And so I'll look for you in my grey scale world. I'll seek you out, your rainbow smile bringing color to my still life landscape. 

I'll allow my heart to hurt and bleed just to be by your side. I'll allow my eyes to go blind, staring into the supernova of your spirit . 

I'll allow you to slide your hand in mine, unknowing of cutting off my air with your careless touch. I'll grin back as I do and act as if I have no other purpose than to be your constant steady sidekick.

I'll go on as I always do. Close enough and not enough. Too much this and too little that. Always wanting you happy and free, always wanting you by my side. Always wishing, hoping, praying that some day, maybe...

You'll look at me....


End file.
